So maybe you have overcome or are working on overcoming a flawed mindset and may have even overcome some barriers to change. Now comes the hard part. Maintaining the change that you have worked so hard to make. This in of itself can be a monumental task. Here are a few things that you can do to maintain your change.
Reset if necessary. It is almost inevitable that you will slip back into old habits. Do not become discouraged. You are more than capable of making whatever changes that you desire to make. Remember this as you reset and continue those changed behaviors that you have already began to implement in order to reach your ultimate goal. Try not to dwell on your setback. Just move forward and try again.
Anticipate challenging areas. The best way to achieve success is to know where your challenges lie. If you know that you always eat unhealthy foods for lunch when you are at work, pack you a healthier lunch so that you do not even have to be tempted to buy something unhealthy. Or if your goal is to journal or meditate or anything else that requires time that you feel you currently don’t have, try to wake up earlier and do whatever your goal is before you begin your day. The goal is to see what could possibly present a challenge and plan around it.
Maintain positive attitude. Let’s face it. Change is not easy – especially when whatever you are trying to change is something that has become a habit. Stay positive. Remember why you decided to make this change and keep that in mind as you maintain your changed behavior. Try your best to be kind to yourself and be mindful of your self-talk. You can make and maintain your desired change!
What would you add to this list? Comment below with what you has helped you sustain any changes you have made.
In my previous post I discussed mindsets, now let us discuss some of the things people would like to change. Most of us have something that we want to change as it relates to our lifestyle. Some people want to eat better, some want to be able to sleep better some want to become less anxious or stressed, and others want to feel more satisfied. All these things go back to a change in lifestyle because all these things are connected. Exercise and a better diet can lead to having a better mood. A better diet and more sleep can lead to less stress. Improving all these things can lead to improved mental health.
Leading a healthy lifestyle has so many benefits. There is absolutely nothing negative that can come from a healthy lifestyle. The benefits of a healthy lifestyle include a reduced risk of cancers and diabetes, improved memory, improved mood, improved cardiovascular health, among many other things.
Changing your lifestyle sounds easy but it can be particularly challenging. Let us briefly discuss some things that can be barriers to lifestyle changes.
Not enough time. This is the first thing that is normally said when someone must incorporate something new in their lives. Between the responsibilities surrounding work, home, children, and so much more, finding time to implement anything new can be a challenge.
Old habits die hard. If you have been doing something for many, many years and decide that you now want to change, it may not be as easy as you thought. What often happens is that change is easy in the beginning but once things get challenging, we often resort back to our old habits.
Procrastination. The discomfort of the change in our routines and habits make us continue to procrastinate. Procrastination will have you talking about something forever but never moving forward.
No motivation. Any kind of change is extremely difficult if you are not motivated. Lack of motivation to change your lifestyle will either have you not changing or not having sustained change even if you happen to change for a moment.
I do not want to spend a lot of time on barriers, but I think they barriers should be identified so that they can be recognized for what they are. You will be able more likely to make a sustained change if you can identify the things that will hold you back and make plans to combat those things. Now, let us talk about ways you can overcome those barriers.
Incorporate change into daily routine
Since the number one barrier is lack of time, try ways to make changes in your daily routine. It is hard to incorporate a major change like cooking healthy meals or starting an exercise regimen overnight. If the change you want to implement is your diet, start small. Purchase healthy foods at the grocery store or make healthy choices if you eat out. Or if you want to exercise more, instead of purchasing an expensive gym membership that you may then feel you have no time to use, try to incorporate more walking into your day. Park further away from the entrance to where you want to go or walk around while waiting for your child to finish their practice instead of sitting in your car. To avoid feeling overwhelmed, incorporate small changes into your daily routine.
Set small goals
It is sometimes best to set small, attainable goals on your journey to change as opposed to making sweeping changes overnight that may not last. This can be helpful when making a change such as eating healthier. Instead of tossing out food from your old diet and buying all new food, you may want to consider slowly buying new food and incorporating your new, healthier food into your diet slowly. Over time you can let your unhealthy food choices go and eat more of your healthy food choices until your entire diet is made up of your healthy food choice. You may decide to eat healthy twice a week, the four times a week, before changing over to health food completely.
An accountability partner is someone who can ensure that you maintain the goals and commitments that are made when you are trying to change something. Before you get an accountability partner, you need to ensure that this is someone who will be completely honest with you. You also need to ensure that you are ready to receive whatever feedback that the may give you. The role of an accountability partner is to cheer you on when you are doing well but to also let you know if you start to slack off your commitments and goals. Accountability partners can be great if you are looking to change and are willing to accept honest feedback.
Rewarding yourself is a great way to stay motivated as you work to make a change in your lifestyle. The caveat to this is to ensure that your reward is not detrimental to the change you are trying to make. No matter what your goal is, it is okay to have a cheat day if that cheat day is not going to pull you back into your bad habits. A good reward could be something such as binge-watching your favorite TV show, treating yourself to a night out or staycation, or allowing yourself a weekend morning where you can just sleep in. The point is to reward yourself for a job well done as you continue to make the changes that you want to make.
Be kind to yourself
Do not be hard on yourself if you have a setback. Setbacks will inevitable happen especially if you are breaking a habit that you have had for an awfully long time. If you have a setback, just get back on track and pick up where you fell off. It is okay and no one is perfect. Establishing a different lifestyle, even if it is a healthier lifestyle, can be hard to do so cut yourself a break.
So many things can be addressed when you say that you are going to change your lifestyle. Lifestyle encompasses everything to your diet, your habits, your preferences, and even how active you are. Changes to some of these will come easy while changes to the others will be a little more difficult.
Have you ever made a lifestyle change? Were you able to maintain it? Share what worked and what did not work for you.
I have always believed that feelings of restlessness or discontent were signs that some sort of shift was about to occur. I have been feeling this a lot lately – in many areas of my life. From re-examining my personal goals to even my re-examining the direction of this blog, I have had a heightened level of anxiety whenever I considered the different levels of change that was needed for me to get to where I wanted to be. It was such an odd feeling. Wanting to do more but almost feeling stuck when it came to doing what needed to be done to see a significant change.
Change can be hard. For some, significant change can seem impossible. During this series on change we will be talking about different aspects of change and how we can overcome whatever may be preventing us from making significant change. People seek to make one of several types of changes to include changes to their financial situation, changes in their jobs, changes in their diet, changes in their lifestyle, the list goes on and on.
Let us look at why making changes can be so hard for some people.
Being afraid. Oftentimes people desire changes but are apprehensive about how that change will look. Some of us take such comfort in what is known – our routines, our habits, our jobs – that we will stay where we are instead of changing. Snuggling in and getting comfortable in your comfortable zone will make real change virtually impossible. The unknown of how life will be once the change comes or being unsure if the change can be maintained can make some of us unable to take that first step towards change.
No motivation – There are times when people may desire change but have no real desire to do what is necessary to make that change. Many things can contribute to the lack of motivation, but this lack of motivation can make it hard to move forward toward any type of meaningful change.
No clear goals. It is extremely hard to get motivated to make a change if you have no clear goals. You may feel as if you want or even need to make a change but if you do not have a clear vision of what you want that change to look like then you will always feel like nothing is changing. Attempting change with no set goals will result in you always trying to change but always being disappointed because you do not have clear enough goal to know when have achieved it.
Pride. There are times that you may need to make a change, but your pride keeps you from doing so. Not wanting to admit that change is needed can keep you from the change that you may so desperately need to change your life.
What other barriers would you add to this list?
In the next few blog posts we will be talking about different things people often need to change. As we discuss and you determine whether they apply to you, keep these barriers to change in mind and check to see whether you are guilty of any of these. And if you find that you are guilty of some of these, do not be so hard on yourself. Just make the necessary adjustments and try again to make that change.
Join me next time as we discuss changing your mindset.
Have you ever tried to work on a goal, and it felt like you could not shake the thoughts or habits of your past? This is me all day long. I can clearly establish a goal but thoughts of “you are too old to start this” or “you never complete anything you start” are whispering in the back of my mind as I work toward my goal. Some people can articulate a goal, work at it, and achieve that goal with no setbacks or barriers. Others must overcome many barriers. Here are some ways to help you push through when you come upon these barriers and setbacks.
Get the lesson and move forward. Some of us are guilty of not moving forward because we are too busy looking back. The only good reason to look back is to get the lesson. You run the risk of being pulled back into past behaviors when you continually look back. Once you get the lesson, move forward and do not look back so you can achieve your goal.
Stay focused. Setbacks are inevitable so it is vital that you remain focused. Remember why you set your goal and stay focused on that. Be intentional and remember the reason you set the goal in the first place.
Let go. If you find that something is holding you back from reaching your goals, let it go. I would even go as far as to say let go of any person who is holding you back. Achieving your goal is bigger than any negative thought, person, or habit. If the thought, person, or habit is not helping you make steps towards achieving your goal, them you need to let it go.
Eliminate negative self-talk. We can sometimes be the cause of our own setbacks. Our own thoughts can be our biggest enemy when we are trying to achieve a goal and do more for ourselves. Be conscious of your thoughts. Replace negative thoughts with positive ones as soon as a negative thought begins to push its way into your mind. This one takes practice but will make a world of difference once you master it. Check out my previous post on negative self-talk here.
Setbacks are normal when working towards a new goal so be gentle with yourself. Today is a new day where you can shake old thoughts and habits and establish new ones. Hopefully, these tips can help you conquer the obstacles that stand between you and your goal. What else would you add to this list?
These past few months have been a struggle for me as it relates to me focusing on both my personal goals and my goals relating to this blog. I just could not get myself together enough to move forward with any of my goals and it was incredibly frustrating. Everything felt forced and nothing was seeming to come together. I eventually just stopped and decided to step back and, when I did, everything became crystal clear. These are the things that I suggest that you do if you experience this feeling.
Remember why you started. You can have a clearly defined goal that takes many detours before you achieve it. When you are in the middle of one of these detours, it is easy to lose sight of the goal or give up. Remembering why you started is imperative in these moments.
Re-establish your goals. You may have to remind yourself of your goals or create new ones. Refocus on what the end game was when you decided to begin your journey toward whatever goal you were trying to reach.
Be honest with yourself. A lesson learned during one of your detours may help you to realize that you need to adjust your plan. And that is okay. Make the adjustments and move toward achieving your goal.
Remember to not be too hard on yourself as you go through this process. You may find that stepping back is exactly what needed to be done to move you toward your goals.
Growing up I was always told to watch the company I keep. It was a lesson in understanding that people will judge you based on the type of people you choose to hang around. If you hang around a bunch of troublemakers, people will think that you are a troublemaker even if you are not one. It is also possible that your behavior can begin to conform to the groups’ behavior. We can all probably think of examples where people may have acted outside of their normal character when they were around certain group of people. Well, this notion remains the same as we enter adulthood and begin to have hopes and dreams. The company we keep can either become our cheerleaders and let us know the sky is the limit or they can be the biggest naysayers, making us second guess our ability to successfully pursue any dream we may have had. It is easy to sit here and say that you should just ignore those people and continue pursuing your dreams. But the reality is that the company you keep plays a major role in your ability to achieve your goals – especially if these are people close to you who you often confide in. The company you keep should be positive, uplifting, resilient, supportive, and able to cheer you on when you begin to doubt yourself. Take inventory of the people that you surround yourself with. Do you feel that they speak positivity into your life or are they always telling you what you cannot do or what you cannot achieve? I challenge you today to look around and see who continually uplifts you and who always tries to limit you. Pay attention to those who pour positivity into you and pull those people closer. The company you keep has the power to pull you into doubt what you can achieve or catapult you into your wildest dreams. Choose wisely.
Can you pinpoint exactly what causes you stress? It could be one major thing, or it could be a combination of several things. Many of us would say our current state of affairs is causing us stress. The country is slowly beginning to open back up now, but for a while, we were all feeling disconnected from our families and communities.
People perceive stressors differently and people respond to stressors differently. People often pinpoint work, finances, health concerns, and family responsibilities as being major sources of stress. Those are the major reasons people stress but let us peel away the layers and examine why these things are stressful.
Uncertainty. This is what was (and is) causing so much stress during our time of quarantining and isolation. We did not really know much. When was it going to end? How was it going to end? What would life look like when it ended? One question would always lead to another and the not knowing was extremely stressful. Suspense and foreboding are great when it comes to a movie or a novel, but not when it comes to our lives. COVID-19 has caused many people to lose their jobs or have their hours cut. This could lead to a lot of uncertainty. An uncertain health report could lead to stress because of all the uncertainty. Stress due to uncertainty is related to us being uncomfortable with not having control over every aspect of our lives.
Being Overwhelmed. Many of us have a lot going on with work, children, our hobbies, etc. It is easy to become overwhelmed especially when it seems like there is always something to be done and something that needs attention. Becoming overwhelmed can happen in a multitude of settings. A sudden job loss, the death of a loved one, or even a positive life event like a marriage can be overwhelming. The feeling of being overwhelmed can become so intense that it will literally take your breath away.
Unrealistic expectations. Sometimes we become stressed mainly because of the stress that we put on ourselves. We sometimes hold ourselves to such high expectations that disappointment and frustration is the only outcome. When we overcommit ourselves or have unrealistic expectations for ourselves, stress is inevitable. A great example of this would be a parent who is trying to balance work life and family life. The expectation that you can give 100% both at work and at home is not inconceivable but can be a heavy burden to put on yourself.
Comment below some of the things that cause you stress.
Feelings are defined as an emotional state or reaction. They can describe how you may be feeling at a certain time but they do not always have to dictate your reality. We sometimes struggle with our emotions being confused as facts. For example, feeling a little down that you did not get selected for a position at work does not translate to you being an employee whose work is not valued. Feeling like a failure for not being successful at a new diet does not make you a failure. You have to be careful not to let your feelings take hold in your spirit to the point where you begin to really believe what you are thinking. Beware of allowing your feelings to determine how you see yourself and the way you begin think about yourself and your worth. Separating feelings from facts is vital to our self-esteem and our overall outlook on life. We have to practice positive self-talk to convince ourselves that the negative thoughts and feelings that we have taken as fact are not true. This has to be done on a daily basis to ensure that you do not succumb to feelings which can often be misleading. What feelings have you taken as facts lately? What positive self-talk will you utilize to prevent yourself from accepting those feelings as facts?
Some of us have things in our past that we wish we could change. We have made decisions that altered the course of our lives and may have put ourselves in difficult positions as a result of those decisions. You may be feeling that you should be further along in life than you are right now. You may be feeling that you have spent so much time just trying to make it day to day that you have not tapped into your true potential – that thing that really defines you. We sometimes become prisoners of our current circumstances. We do not realize the joy that comes from reaching the fullness of what you have to offer the world in the form of your talents and your worth. We even sometimes believe that where we have been is so terrible that we do not deserve to experience the joy of reaching our full potential. These thoughts are what holds us back. Dare to turn your back on what and who you were and step into your full potential. Change your mindset and step boldly into your purpose. What would you be doing now if you were not so busy looking at your past?
As someone who has had the experience of living in survival mode for a significant period of time, I would define survival mode as being present in the current moment and only having the mental energy to make it to the next moment. This week we will be discussing survival mode – what it looks like and how to get out.
Let us explore a few ways that people end up in survival mode.
Traumatic life event. Unexpected life events, like the sudden death of a loved one or a life-changing diagnosis, can put you into a space where all you can do is just make it through the day. Some people can get through life-changing events while maintaining a sense of normalcy. Others go into a lower level of functioning and begin operating at a level that is just enough to get them through the day.
Financial Distress. Layoffs, furloughs, and unemployment have pretty much defined these COVID-19 times. The thought that you will not be able to provide for your family can be terrifying. The stress and fear associated with being in financial distress coupled with the desperate need to provide for your family could get you to the point where you begin living day-to-day with no real direction.
Being overwhelmed. This is what put me and so many others in survival mode. Having so many daily responsibilities that could lead to becoming overwhelmed with life, we run the risk of getting not being connected to anything other than the things that need our immediate attention.
Many other things can put you in survival mode, but these are a few of the main ones. Tomorrow we are going to discuss how you can tell that you are in survival mode and how you can get out.