Growing up I was always told to watch the company I keep. It was a lesson in understanding that people will judge you based on the type of people you choose to hang around. If you hang around a bunch of troublemakers, people will think that you are a troublemaker even if you are not one. It is also possible that your behavior can begin to conform to the groups’ behavior. We can all probably think of examples where people may have acted outside of their normal character when they were around certain group of people. Well, this notion remains the same as we enter adulthood and begin to have hopes and dreams. The company we keep can either become our cheerleaders and let us know the sky is the limit or they can be the biggest naysayers, making us second guess our ability to successfully pursue any dream we may have had. It is easy to sit here and say that you should just ignore those people and continue pursuing your dreams. But the reality is that the company you keep plays a major role in your ability to achieve your goals – especially if these are people close to you who you often confide in. The company you keep should be positive, uplifting, resilient, supportive, and able to cheer you on when you begin to doubt yourself. Take inventory of the people that you surround yourself with. Do you feel that they speak positivity into your life or are they always telling you what you cannot do or what you cannot achieve? I challenge you today to look around and see who continually uplifts you and who always tries to limit you. Pay attention to those who pour positivity into you and pull those people closer. The company you keep has the power to pull you into doubt what you can achieve or catapult you into your wildest dreams. Choose wisely.
Have you ever witnessed two people hang around each other for so long that they begin to act like each other? They pick up each other’s mannerisms, habits, and even each other’s tones. It happens when you spend a considerable amount of time with somebody. So if you understand that you take on the characteristics of those who you spend a great deal of your time with, doesn’t it make sense that you should want to spend your time with the people who want the absolute best for you? The Debbie Downers of the world that only seek to rain on your parade can affect you just as much as the people who want to see you do well. Their negativity, doubt, and lack of confidence in you and your ability to reach your dreams will eventually affect you if you are not careful. You may begin to lack confidence in yourself and water down your dreams because of their inability to see your full potential. Surround yourself with people who believe in you as much, if not more, as you believe in yourself. Surround yourself with people who will continue to cheer you on during those times where you may feel discouraged and unsure of yourself. Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you and challenge you to be your very best. You will go further when your circle consists of those who genuinely want to see you succeed. Their positivity will rub off on you and sustain you through the tough days. Think about those that are the closest to you. Do they cheer you on or do they doubt you? Are they encouraging or are your setbacks proof to them that you need to abandon your dreams? I challenge you to evaluate your inner circle and make sure that those around you are positive, supportive and push you to be the best you can be.
If we were all not living through these unusual circumstances associated with COVID-19, this month would have featured a lot of festivals, walks, and other activities that seek to bring awareness to and dispel myths about autism. Education about the diagnosis of autism and shining the spotlight on the individuals who have been diagnosed with autism is what this month is all about. As Autism Awareness Month comes to an end, I started to think about my 12-year-old son, Zion, who was diagnosed with autism at the age of 3 and a few of the things he has taught me.
Everyone has hidden jewels. If you ever met Zion, in the first ten minutes, you could probably tell me right off the bat the things he does not do. He has a hard time making eye contact, he is not going to engage you in a long conversation, and he has a hard time understanding social cues and tones. Years of advocating for Zion has made it to where I am his spokesperson, always trying to give people a different impression of him. Zion loves to learn, my son is a fantastic writer, and my son has an eye for photography and videography. My son is more than his diagnosis and people, in general, are typically more than what they initially present to the world. I believe that there is something positive in everyone – you sometimes just have to take the time to find those hidden jewels.
Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff. Zion is pretty even-tempered now but when he was newly diagnosed and before he started the therapies that helped him process his emotions, he would have meltdown and tantrums (and there is a difference between the two) several times a day. Being the perfectionist that I was, I would often add more stress on top of an already stressful situation because I would want to carry on with my day and complete my daily to-do list. I would feel like the worst mother ever at the end of the day when nothing got accomplished. But I learned to change my perspective. At the end of a tough day, my laundry may not have been folded, there may have still been dishes in the sink, and I may have never gotten to the store. But Zion was calm. And, most importantly, he had not injured himself or others during his tantrum. The things that did not get done no longer mattered. And guess what? Now Zion washes and folds his own clothes, vaccums and sweeps the whole house, and can even make simple meals for himself. It gets better – don’t waste time worrying about the small things.
Everyone needs a cheerleader. From the time I realized that my son was not reaching his milestones timely, I have had to advocate for him. From going back and forth with the pediatrician about getting a referral to a specialist for Zion to be formally diagnosed to finding the perfect school for him, advocating is a full-time job. But, everyone needs a cheerleader. Confidence in yourself is great but having that cheerleader is what gives you that extra boost. Zion knows he is smart and capable of doing many things that others think he would not be able to do because of his diagnosis. But me being his cheerleader gives him that extra boost because I am there – loud and proud – reminding Zion and everyone else of great he is, how smart he is, and how talented he is. Just as cheerleaders stand on the sidelines and let the whole arena or stadium know how great their team is, everyone needs that person who encourages them.
I want to end this post by offering some words of encouragement.
Be kind to yourself. There will be good days and bad days – count every day that you make it through as a win. Don’t be hard too hard on yourself.
Accept help. I often felt that nobody could care for Zion like I could – and to be honest, I still feel this way sometimes. But I have learned to accept help from the people that my son knows and is comfortable with and that knows my son, his triggers, and how to calm him. It took me a while but I finally got there.
Don’t take the aggression personally – this is harder on them than on you. Tantrums, meltdown, and aggressive behaviors are sometimes scarier for the child than it is for us as parents. It took many therapists to convince me that Zion was acting aggressively at home and not at school because I was his “safe place” – a place where he knew he could release everything that was pent up in him. Don’t take it personally – your child knows your love is unconditional.
Advocate! Advocate! Advocate! Resources for special needs children can sometimes be hard to find. Ensuring that they get everything they need to reach their fullest potential can be very hard due to this lack of resources. Advocating for your child will be the biggest “I Love You” you can give them.
YOU GOT THIS!!!! Being a parent of a child with autism has caused me to experience a wide range of emotions depending on the circumstances. It has exhausted me, angered me, scared me, filled me with anxiety, and has even brought me to tears on several occasions. But it has also made me excited as I look at Zion and the handsome pre-teen he has become, it has forced me to be creative in how I ensure he gets what he needs, and it even makes me smile when I realize that my son is a pretty cool kid. And I know that – despite the frustrations and setbacks that he may endure – Zion will be okay.
Celebrate your child. Let the world know how great your child is. I will start. Zion is 12 years old. He loves to watch YouTube, eat pizza, swing, put together 500 piece puzzles, and as I stated before, he even likes to do chores around the house! Zion is smart, loves to give big hugs, and loves his family. He is a great kid who smiles a lot and loves to make others smile.
Celebrate your child or tell how you spread awareness about autism in the comments below!
According to Ellen Ciuczak and Ryan Miller’s November 12, 2019 article in USA Today, that is the day most people give up on their New Year’s Resolutions. That is not to say that many people do not stick to their resolutions and achieve the goals that they have set for themselves; that is just the date that most people who are unsuccessful fall back into their old habits.
If I am being honest, most of my resolutions over the years failed before January 17. But this year I was determined to join the ranks of people who have been successful with achieving their resolutions. My one and only resolution this year is to fulfill a resolution that has been a resolution for several years: to write for an audience. This blog is the first of many steps to achieve that goal.
I am Gayle Walker and I have been creatively writing since I was 12 years old. I have half-written several novels and middle-grade books that never saw the light of day for fear that they would not be good enough. I have had the idea for this blog for a couple of years but never started it for the same reason that I never finished a book: the fear that my blog would not be good enough or interesting enough to attract readers. And as cliche’ as this sounds, one morning I woke up and made the conscious decision to change the entire way that I thought about myself. As a social worker, I empower and encourage people daily. So why not go a step further and empower, encourage, and educate others through my love of writing? I realized that my writing is good enough and I am more than qualified to reach out to people to uplift their spirits and empower them to be greater than they may have ever imagined.
I envision The Serenity Room to be a place where you will be encouraged, motivated, and will hopefully come to the realization that you are not alone in many of the daily struggles that we all experience. Have you ever experienced an emotion so overwhelming that you did not even want to share how you felt with anyone because you just knew that they would not understand what you were feeling? Only to finally confide in a trusted person and realize that not only have they felt that way, but many others have also. Remember the relief you felt of knowing that you are not alone and others have felt this way too? I want The Serenity Room to start conversations that were once shied away from. I want you to read the posts published in this blog and either learn something or gain a firm reaffirmation of what you already knew or believed. I want you to realize that you are bigger and better than every negative thought that has taken up residence in your spirit.
As I stated earlier, I am a social worker and do not profess to be an expert in any topic that I will be posting about. The majority of my posts will be on topics that are personal to me that I have researched for my self-growth. I hope that you will be empowered as I seek to empower myself.
As of now, I will be posting every other week about a wide range of topics. Some upcoming topics include standing in the way of your own success, the impact of negative self-talk, and being open to the change you claim you seek. One blog a month will be dedicated to either special needs families or families of first responders as my family includes both. Over the years, I have learned that a lot of things I go through as a mother of a child with special needs are similar to what other mothers experience, but some things are unique to families that have children with special needs. While the posts will be about the experiences of the families of special needs children or first responders, I hope you will still take the time to read the post to gain an understanding of the reality of others.
Between attracting an engaged audience, gaining exposure, and making a name for myself as an author and blogger, I will also like to eventually profile those individuals who have persevered against incredible odds. No matter what topic is being discussed, please feel free to make comments and suggestions either in the public forum or via email. In the end, my biggest goal is for The Serenity Room to grow into something bigger and better than I could have ever imagined.
For me, it all begins with this post. A post that I have been dreaming of posting for a very long time. This is my very first step to overcoming all of the things that has prevented me from doing this before today.
What is stopping you from doing that thing that you have been dreaming of doing for so long?